The last hours of 2011 are ticking away. Despite all of the amazingly good things that happened, I'm struggling not to chalk it up as a loss due to one measly thing.
I spent every single day in love with first one man, then another; both belonging to someone else.
Fortunately, I don't have the mental energy needed to evaluate why it happened. But I will commit every available brain cell to making sure a single day, let alone a whole year, like this never happens again.
Surprisingly, a few of my closest friends have questioned my decision to eventually walk away from these two men. While the decisions were unbelievably painful, they were also unbelievably necessary.
I wholeheartedly subscribe to the concept of the universe. It's responsible for the cyclical nature of our lives - we get back what we put out.
Not only did I spend every day in love with their men, I also spent it extremely embarrassed. Not at what they (the men, my friends, etc.) thought, but what it thought. The universe was definitely laughing at my ordeal. "Why should I give her an available man (with the same or even better qualities than this one) when she's accepting the man who's not available?," it chuckled.
But all that is over now. I won't accept the role they were both offering. I know the universe has my back on this. Beginning this very moment, it will once again know that I will only allow someone to enter my life who is just as available as I am.
Welcoming all that 2012 has to offer with open arms...
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Je ne sais quoi
A few months ago, a colleague selected me to be next player in her own personal matchmaking game. She directed an old pal of hers to our employer's website so he could check out my picture. Little did she know, however, my prominently placed picture was replaced with something else. Her initial quest dissolved into thin air.
Never one to give up without a fight, she resurrected her trivial pursuit several weeks ago. After exchanging a handful of emails, texts, and phone calls, we had our first date just over a week ago. On a scale of 1 (worst) to 10 (best), I'd give the date a 7. But it was clear that no second date was (or ever would be) in the works. I definitely felt that way and I'm sure he did too.
I'll see the (now former) colleague for the first time since her failed matchmaking attempt later this week. I won't bring him up, but I'm sure she will. I predict that at some point she'll want clarification on what 'type' of guy I'm looking for.
Problem is - I don't have a type.
Well, he must be African-American and height/weight proportionate, but that's it.
This may very well explain why I'm 33 and still unbelievably single, but my type embodies that je ne sais quoi. That French phrase literally means 'I don't know what'. But it's also widely known as referring to a certain something that makes someone appealing.
My type has it. He has that something something that is distinctive and attractive in a subtle way. A way that can not be seen, only felt - like electricity, wind, and well, love.
Surely she won't understand; but I do and so will he.
Never one to give up without a fight, she resurrected her trivial pursuit several weeks ago. After exchanging a handful of emails, texts, and phone calls, we had our first date just over a week ago. On a scale of 1 (worst) to 10 (best), I'd give the date a 7. But it was clear that no second date was (or ever would be) in the works. I definitely felt that way and I'm sure he did too.
I'll see the (now former) colleague for the first time since her failed matchmaking attempt later this week. I won't bring him up, but I'm sure she will. I predict that at some point she'll want clarification on what 'type' of guy I'm looking for.
Problem is - I don't have a type.
Well, he must be African-American and height/weight proportionate, but that's it.
This may very well explain why I'm 33 and still unbelievably single, but my type embodies that je ne sais quoi. That French phrase literally means 'I don't know what'. But it's also widely known as referring to a certain something that makes someone appealing.
My type has it. He has that something something that is distinctive and attractive in a subtle way. A way that can not be seen, only felt - like electricity, wind, and well, love.
Surely she won't understand; but I do and so will he.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
How to Meet a Guy at Thumbs Up
(Originally posted to my MySpace page on December 16, 2006.)
Jada and I decided to meet @ Thumbs Up on Edgewood late this morning for brunch. If you live in the ATL, you know that Thumbs Up on a Sunday is a happenin' spot and the wait to be seated is in the 60 minute range. Well, we didn't mind the wait because it was an unseasonably warm day and we could use the time to catch up on each other's lives.
So we're sitting/standing outside just shooting the breeze and talking 'bout folks when this HOT, tall, chocolately brother (known here on out as Hot Chocolate) walks towards us. I gave Jada the heads up so she could check him out too. As he came closer, my dumb a** stares at his shoes (a good indicator of what kind of guy he is) instead of staring directly at him. Shortly thereafter Jada told me he was checking me out as I was checking out his shoes. Anyway, there's a cute little coffee shop next to Thumbs Up and that's where Hot Chocolate was headed while he and his (male) friend endured the hour wait. He went in the coffee shop and Jada and I immediately began a strategy session about how to get his attention. "Ask him what time it is," Jada whispered. But he came out too quickly and again I missed the head nod that he apparently gave me. Lucky for me, he came back to the coffee shop a few minutes later. At the time, Jada and I were in deep conversation about how to appropriately wear footless tights. When he came out of the coffee shop for the second time, I opened my mouth to ask him what kind of drink he got (I'm such a dork!), when he chastised Jada and I for talking about this girl across the street's tights. He came over and joined us, just making small talk about this and that. He left after a few minutes and that was it...or so I thought!
So about a 1/2 hour later it was finally our turn to be seated. Jada and I ordered and ate our meal and had a good time enjoying each others company. But I just couldn't let the opportunity to meet this guy pass. So all of a sudden I came up with the boldest idea of my adult life! I flagged down our waitress, pointed out Hot Chocolate and asked her to go find out if he and his friend had already paid their check. She came back and told me that they hadn't paid yet. I asked her to bring me his check and I gave her the money for it and wrote a note on the back for him. The note said, "You'll have to call me to thank me!" with my name and number! Oh my! That's SO unlike me. :) The server then took the check/note back over to him and Jada and I just set back and waited to see what was going to happen.
A few moments later his friend got up, put money down on the counter and walked outside. Then, Hot Chocolate got up...and came towards our table! I was freakin' out! He said "Hello, may I speak to Tia?" and my dumb a** pointed to Haillie! He went along w/the act and introduced himself to Haillie. Then Jada stepped in and pointed to me. He then introduced himself to me and said, "I just wanted to say Thank You." He could've stopped there, but he went on to say something along the lines of wanting to take me out to thank me some more. I was only half listening because I was in shock that little 'ole me actually did something like this! We all got up to leave then and him and I exchanged a few more words (which I don't remember) before we parted ways.
Even if Hot Chocolate never calls me, it doesn't matter! I'm so proud of myself for being bold and putting myself out there w/out fear of being shot down. I'm so sick of people being scared of the unknown! Be bold, people! You never know what may happen. The best part of all this is I was rushing out of the house to meet Jada and threw on my fave pair of Target (Mossimo) jeans, dirty sneakers, and wrinkled 'AIDS Walk 2004' t-shirt; in other words I looked a hot mess! But still I had enough confidence to step to this guy! How' bout that?!
Here's wishin' all of my girls out there the courage and confidence to approach ANY guy at ANY time...especially at Thumbs Up diner!
Jada and I decided to meet @ Thumbs Up on Edgewood late this morning for brunch. If you live in the ATL, you know that Thumbs Up on a Sunday is a happenin' spot and the wait to be seated is in the 60 minute range. Well, we didn't mind the wait because it was an unseasonably warm day and we could use the time to catch up on each other's lives.
So we're sitting/standing outside just shooting the breeze and talking 'bout folks when this HOT, tall, chocolately brother (known here on out as Hot Chocolate) walks towards us. I gave Jada the heads up so she could check him out too. As he came closer, my dumb a** stares at his shoes (a good indicator of what kind of guy he is) instead of staring directly at him. Shortly thereafter Jada told me he was checking me out as I was checking out his shoes. Anyway, there's a cute little coffee shop next to Thumbs Up and that's where Hot Chocolate was headed while he and his (male) friend endured the hour wait. He went in the coffee shop and Jada and I immediately began a strategy session about how to get his attention. "Ask him what time it is," Jada whispered. But he came out too quickly and again I missed the head nod that he apparently gave me. Lucky for me, he came back to the coffee shop a few minutes later. At the time, Jada and I were in deep conversation about how to appropriately wear footless tights. When he came out of the coffee shop for the second time, I opened my mouth to ask him what kind of drink he got (I'm such a dork!), when he chastised Jada and I for talking about this girl across the street's tights. He came over and joined us, just making small talk about this and that. He left after a few minutes and that was it...or so I thought!
So about a 1/2 hour later it was finally our turn to be seated. Jada and I ordered and ate our meal and had a good time enjoying each others company. But I just couldn't let the opportunity to meet this guy pass. So all of a sudden I came up with the boldest idea of my adult life! I flagged down our waitress, pointed out Hot Chocolate and asked her to go find out if he and his friend had already paid their check. She came back and told me that they hadn't paid yet. I asked her to bring me his check and I gave her the money for it and wrote a note on the back for him. The note said, "You'll have to call me to thank me!" with my name and number! Oh my! That's SO unlike me. :) The server then took the check/note back over to him and Jada and I just set back and waited to see what was going to happen.
A few moments later his friend got up, put money down on the counter and walked outside. Then, Hot Chocolate got up...and came towards our table! I was freakin' out! He said "Hello, may I speak to Tia?" and my dumb a** pointed to Haillie! He went along w/the act and introduced himself to Haillie. Then Jada stepped in and pointed to me. He then introduced himself to me and said, "I just wanted to say Thank You." He could've stopped there, but he went on to say something along the lines of wanting to take me out to thank me some more. I was only half listening because I was in shock that little 'ole me actually did something like this! We all got up to leave then and him and I exchanged a few more words (which I don't remember) before we parted ways.
Even if Hot Chocolate never calls me, it doesn't matter! I'm so proud of myself for being bold and putting myself out there w/out fear of being shot down. I'm so sick of people being scared of the unknown! Be bold, people! You never know what may happen. The best part of all this is I was rushing out of the house to meet Jada and threw on my fave pair of Target (Mossimo) jeans, dirty sneakers, and wrinkled 'AIDS Walk 2004' t-shirt; in other words I looked a hot mess! But still I had enough confidence to step to this guy! How' bout that?!
Here's wishin' all of my girls out there the courage and confidence to approach ANY guy at ANY time...especially at Thumbs Up diner!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The Day My Bra Died
(Originally posted to my MySpace page on March 4, 2007.)
R.I.P.
On Thursday, March 1, 2007 at approximately 9:12am, my beloved black Maidenform bra with the lace straps passed away. I was, and still am, deeply saddened by its death. I probably would've cried, but I was standing in front of a group of 3rd graders at the time and it's just not right to see your teacher cry. My bra had actually been sick for several days prior; I knew it would soon cross over, but I was hoping that it would at least last until the weekend. Just that morning, I looked at the strap that was clinging on by one last thread and sent up a silent prayer for it.
Those that know me well know that I have an excess of clothes. I own 29 pairs of jeans but only wear 4. Same with shoes, I have enough to fill an extremely large IKEA bin plus some, but only wear 2 pairs...yes 2! Bras - same thing. I have a drawer full - every brand, color, style. Yet, with jeans, shoes, and other things - each morning for the past year +, I've grabbed that same black Maidenform with the lace straps.
Please don't be disgusted, I washed the bra fairly often! :)
I don't know why I wore the same bra each day (no matter what color my panties were). Maybe it's because I was just lazy and didn't feel like rifling through the bra drawer for another one. But if I'm really getting down to the 'Heart of the Matter', I would say the bra brought me comfort in more forms than just holding up my rack. That bra was the one thing that remained constant in my life. It was the one thing I could count on every single day. I knew that each morning it would be laying on the floor beside my bed waiting for me. It's been through a handful of loser men. It's been through a job change and an acquisition of a now 4 year old.
The saying "Don't put your eggs in one basket" comes to mind in this situation. Except it would be "Don't put your boobs in one bra." Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to find the courage to open that bra drawer and try something new! Heck, next weekend I may even wear a pair of jeans that've been folded up for months and pair them with those cute blue Steve Maddens I bought a while ago!
Or maybe I should just pack up some boxes for the Salvation Army, grab one of my gals, and head out in search of a replacement for the black Maidenform!
R.I.P.
On Thursday, March 1, 2007 at approximately 9:12am, my beloved black Maidenform bra with the lace straps passed away. I was, and still am, deeply saddened by its death. I probably would've cried, but I was standing in front of a group of 3rd graders at the time and it's just not right to see your teacher cry. My bra had actually been sick for several days prior; I knew it would soon cross over, but I was hoping that it would at least last until the weekend. Just that morning, I looked at the strap that was clinging on by one last thread and sent up a silent prayer for it.
Those that know me well know that I have an excess of clothes. I own 29 pairs of jeans but only wear 4. Same with shoes, I have enough to fill an extremely large IKEA bin plus some, but only wear 2 pairs...yes 2! Bras - same thing. I have a drawer full - every brand, color, style. Yet, with jeans, shoes, and other things - each morning for the past year +, I've grabbed that same black Maidenform with the lace straps.
Please don't be disgusted, I washed the bra fairly often! :)
I don't know why I wore the same bra each day (no matter what color my panties were). Maybe it's because I was just lazy and didn't feel like rifling through the bra drawer for another one. But if I'm really getting down to the 'Heart of the Matter', I would say the bra brought me comfort in more forms than just holding up my rack. That bra was the one thing that remained constant in my life. It was the one thing I could count on every single day. I knew that each morning it would be laying on the floor beside my bed waiting for me. It's been through a handful of loser men. It's been through a job change and an acquisition of a now 4 year old.
The saying "Don't put your eggs in one basket" comes to mind in this situation. Except it would be "Don't put your boobs in one bra." Beginning tomorrow, I'm going to find the courage to open that bra drawer and try something new! Heck, next weekend I may even wear a pair of jeans that've been folded up for months and pair them with those cute blue Steve Maddens I bought a while ago!
Or maybe I should just pack up some boxes for the Salvation Army, grab one of my gals, and head out in search of a replacement for the black Maidenform!
Monday, November 21, 2011
My Most Favorite Ex
(Originally posted to my MySpace page on April 28, 2007.)
During a recent bout with temporary insanity I came up with the 'great' idea of contacting him again after more than four months. For the record, I was not interested in getting back together with him. I simply wanted to know how he was doing. How's your daughter? How's life at the station? Are you connected; if so, does she treat you right? (India fans will surely recognize that last line.)
One message via this here great site rapidly led to a few more which led to a few exchanged phone calls. We even took it one step further by deciding to get together to take our girls to the park. Talking to and seeing him again honestly felt good.
After dating man after man for the past 11 years, I must say that he just narrowly beats out someone else (now that's a whole 'nother blog!) for the title of 'My Most Favorite Ex'.
Our relationship didn't work out, obviously. But that doesn't mean that I have to think about our situation in a negative way. He's 'My Most Favorite Ex' simply because I love who he his; who he is doesn't change now that we're not together. Well that may not be true. He may be an even better person now; especially if he learned a lesson or two from our relationship and ones since then and made changes accordingly.
While I think he is wonderful in just about every way, I know that someday very soon I'm going to finally meet the man of my dreams. Only then will I truly realize that what I now think is 'wonderful' actually was nothing much at all. But until that day comes, I will treasure my memories of him and keep on wishing him nothing but the best.
During a recent bout with temporary insanity I came up with the 'great' idea of contacting him again after more than four months. For the record, I was not interested in getting back together with him. I simply wanted to know how he was doing. How's your daughter? How's life at the station? Are you connected; if so, does she treat you right? (India fans will surely recognize that last line.)
One message via this here great site rapidly led to a few more which led to a few exchanged phone calls. We even took it one step further by deciding to get together to take our girls to the park. Talking to and seeing him again honestly felt good.
After dating man after man for the past 11 years, I must say that he just narrowly beats out someone else (now that's a whole 'nother blog!) for the title of 'My Most Favorite Ex'.
Our relationship didn't work out, obviously. But that doesn't mean that I have to think about our situation in a negative way. He's 'My Most Favorite Ex' simply because I love who he his; who he is doesn't change now that we're not together. Well that may not be true. He may be an even better person now; especially if he learned a lesson or two from our relationship and ones since then and made changes accordingly.
While I think he is wonderful in just about every way, I know that someday very soon I'm going to finally meet the man of my dreams. Only then will I truly realize that what I now think is 'wonderful' actually was nothing much at all. But until that day comes, I will treasure my memories of him and keep on wishing him nothing but the best.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Deuce of Spades
(Originally posted to my MySpace page on July 21, 2007.)
Happy Anniversary to me, Happy Anniversary to me, Happy Anniversary to me, Happy Anniversary to me! Whew - what an interesting 11 years it's been. This summer marks my 11th year in the dating world. As you all know, God has not yet disclosed which lucky man is going to be 'The One' for me. I'm cool with that...for now, because I know that the big reveal is coming really, really, really (yes three!) soon.
Although I'm not yet eligible to be a contestant on The Newlywed Game, I have compiled my fair share of witty answers to the queries dating brings. Women of the world, listen up; I'm about to share something that I know for sure.
When it's dealt, pay extra special attention to the deuce of spades. For those of you that dabble in the great card game Spades, you know that that card is the third best thing to have in your hand. You know - joker, joker, deuce. But I'm not talking about a card, I'm talking about a man - someone to have around as your third best thing. If you're at the same point in life as me, your first best thing slot is still unoccupied. Your second best slot may or may not be assigned; I consider this thing to be the one who you were oh-so-close to taking the plunge with (or at least discussing it a minimum of once, even if you both were drunk). But your deuce of spades, your third best thing, needs to be allocated to someone from your past immediately, if you haven't done so already.
The main purpose of your deuce of spades is to play the role of boyfriend (I prefer without benefits, but do as you please) when you're between boyfriends. I've found that it's healthy to talk to deuce about two or three times a week and to see him about once or twice a month. Phone and/or text conversations are somewhere in between "How's it going?" and "What's the meaning of life?". Face-to-face interactions shouldn't take place at your pad or his, but rather in a fun environment (preferably with alcohol available) that forces each to be amicable, but also allows for the occasional round of grab-ass.
I love my deuce of spades to death and can't imagine giving him up. I've been single for over a year and he consistently fills the void I sometimes feel. I'm lucky enough to have a handful of fantastic female friends, but nothing beats the sound of a man on the other end of the phone - asking "How was your day?" or "How do you feel about my **** and your ***** becoming reacquainted?", ahhhhhh...pure bliss! :)
So ladies, just as you pay special attention to the deuce of spades when it's dealt in a card game, pay even more attention to it when it's dealt in your dating game. Hold him close, but not too close and don't let him go until the identity of the first best thing is divulged.
Happy Anniversary to me, Happy Anniversary to me, Happy Anniversary to me, Happy Anniversary to me! Whew - what an interesting 11 years it's been. This summer marks my 11th year in the dating world. As you all know, God has not yet disclosed which lucky man is going to be 'The One' for me. I'm cool with that...for now, because I know that the big reveal is coming really, really, really (yes three!) soon.
Although I'm not yet eligible to be a contestant on The Newlywed Game, I have compiled my fair share of witty answers to the queries dating brings. Women of the world, listen up; I'm about to share something that I know for sure.
When it's dealt, pay extra special attention to the deuce of spades. For those of you that dabble in the great card game Spades, you know that that card is the third best thing to have in your hand. You know - joker, joker, deuce. But I'm not talking about a card, I'm talking about a man - someone to have around as your third best thing. If you're at the same point in life as me, your first best thing slot is still unoccupied. Your second best slot may or may not be assigned; I consider this thing to be the one who you were oh-so-close to taking the plunge with (or at least discussing it a minimum of once, even if you both were drunk). But your deuce of spades, your third best thing, needs to be allocated to someone from your past immediately, if you haven't done so already.
The main purpose of your deuce of spades is to play the role of boyfriend (I prefer without benefits, but do as you please) when you're between boyfriends. I've found that it's healthy to talk to deuce about two or three times a week and to see him about once or twice a month. Phone and/or text conversations are somewhere in between "How's it going?" and "What's the meaning of life?". Face-to-face interactions shouldn't take place at your pad or his, but rather in a fun environment (preferably with alcohol available) that forces each to be amicable, but also allows for the occasional round of grab-ass.
I love my deuce of spades to death and can't imagine giving him up. I've been single for over a year and he consistently fills the void I sometimes feel. I'm lucky enough to have a handful of fantastic female friends, but nothing beats the sound of a man on the other end of the phone - asking "How was your day?" or "How do you feel about my **** and your ***** becoming reacquainted?", ahhhhhh...pure bliss! :)
So ladies, just as you pay special attention to the deuce of spades when it's dealt in a card game, pay even more attention to it when it's dealt in your dating game. Hold him close, but not too close and don't let him go until the identity of the first best thing is divulged.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
The Alchemist
(Originally written and posted to my Facebook page on May 30, 2011.)
Wow! Awhile back, a dear friend posted about the awesomeness of The Alchemist. Anxious to try out my local library system's ebook check-out procedure, I put my name on the waiting list for it. What a gem it's turning out to be! I'm not even done reading it yet and am totally in love with it. To make it even better, I found out that a dear friend is also reading it at the exact same time I am! It's even inspired my next tattoo - maktub (look it up!).
I want to take the time to share some of my fave quotes with you. Enjoy!
"I'm alive," he said to the boy, as they ate a bunch of dates one night, with no fires and no moon. "When I'm eating, that's all I think about. If I'm on the march, I just concentrate on marching. If I have to fight, it will be just as good a day to die as any other. Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. You'll see there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival because life is the moment we're living right now."
"I'm going away," he said. "And I want you to know that I'm coming back. I love you because..." "Don't say anything," Fatima interrupted. "One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving." But the boy continued, "I had a dream, and I met with a king. I sold crystal and crossed the desert. And, because the tribes declared war, I went to the well, seeking the alchemist. So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."
Wow! Awhile back, a dear friend posted about the awesomeness of The Alchemist. Anxious to try out my local library system's ebook check-out procedure, I put my name on the waiting list for it. What a gem it's turning out to be! I'm not even done reading it yet and am totally in love with it. To make it even better, I found out that a dear friend is also reading it at the exact same time I am! It's even inspired my next tattoo - maktub (look it up!).
I want to take the time to share some of my fave quotes with you. Enjoy!
"I'm alive," he said to the boy, as they ate a bunch of dates one night, with no fires and no moon. "When I'm eating, that's all I think about. If I'm on the march, I just concentrate on marching. If I have to fight, it will be just as good a day to die as any other. Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you'll be a happy man. You'll see there is life in the desert, that there are stars in the heavens, and that tribesmen fight because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival because life is the moment we're living right now."
"I'm going away," he said. "And I want you to know that I'm coming back. I love you because..." "Don't say anything," Fatima interrupted. "One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving." But the boy continued, "I had a dream, and I met with a king. I sold crystal and crossed the desert. And, because the tribes declared war, I went to the well, seeking the alchemist. So, I love you because the entire universe conspired to help me find you."
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