Not That Into You

When Greg Behrendt wrote the book 'He's Just Not That Into You', women all over erupted into a frenzy. The same will probably happen early next year when the movie version is released. They didn't need to spend additional money to prepare a trailer, though. They could've taped my life for the past 7 months.

So far this year, three separate guys have been just not that into me. Three! So I know that a single gal that's even halfway immersed in the dating world is faced with the chance of that happening on a regular basis. But that's how many times he's been not that into me in all of my eleven previous years of dating combined!

I'm usually the one who's just not that into him. As India Arie says, "You see The Truth, it needs no proof. Either it is or it isn't." I know pretty quickly whether it is or it isn't. I see little need to pretend.

But, ugh!, I hate when the shoe is on the other foot.

My spiritual belief is that my creator, and not me, is running thangs. While I may know a lot, he knows everything - including whether or not the man of the month is supposed to be into me. The logical side of me understands this. But, unfortunately the heart isn't as reasonable.

Here's wishing that the next guy whose path mine crosses will be just that into me...

Register to Vote

All I wanted to do was go listen to jazz while drinking the random beverage that I would smuggle into the park. But all she wanted to do was go listen to jazz while holding up a random clipboard that said "Register to Vote". She won. The catch was that our impromptu voter registration drive had to take place outside of the park - but lucky for us, the band had amplifiers.

After two hours, I walked away with a handful of completed forms to turn in. I also walked away with the realization that not all of us are optimistic about Obama. Eight out of every ten people claimed to already be registered and gave me an appreciative smile. The ninth out of those ten stopped to complete the form or ask a question. But that tenth person, oh my!

There are people who actually believe that their one vote doesn't make a difference! Others say that our future is going to suck for the mere reason that our past did. A few think that Barack doesn't have a chance of winning, so why bother? The first time I got a response like this, I was blown away. Unfortunately, I got used to it as time went on. But I'll never be alright with it.

My only hope is that my words sunk in as those folks walked away. I let them in on the big secret that our past can't be changed, but the same is not true for our future. The teacher in me came out and gave them a quick math lesson - if we added up all the people that say their one vote doesn't matter, then that would equal a whole lot of votes that did matter. Because of the high stakes, I had to do this in a way that wasn't condescending.

We're almost there - by my estimate 90% of us are on board to exercise the right that our ancestors fought for. Vote for who you want, that's not the point. But while you're making that decision, make sure others around you know that their decision is just as important.

Should Happen to Die

No matter how many times you go through it, homegoing celebrations never get easier. Today we buried Darren - one of my favorites out of the 100+ cousins I have. Darren tremendously loved his family - despite the strain, his job - despite the stress, and his gym - despite the sweat.

The running joke of the family was that Darren also loved one more thing just as much as the first three - women.

We often had bets amongst us - "Which girl was Darren going to bring to this family function?" At the time of his passing, I'm sure a handful of girls thought they were the last to have a special connection with him. But during the fourth and final decade of his life, two were considered to be the front runners. Darren never committed to either of them, that just wasn't his style. But the love he had for each one was evident to us all.

Of course I was concerned for his father, siblings, other family members, and friends when I learned of his passing. But I also felt a wave of empathy for his other two loves. For they were living one of my worst dating nightmares.

Because no one is from Atlanta, I rarely meet the families of the men I date. But what if one of them should happen to die either while or soon after we were together? Would I even know about it? Would I, a random girlfriend, be allowed to grieve for him in the way that I'm used to?

I know that the universe will never put me in this situation. But just as a sort of karmic insurance, I did my part to show Darren's loves that they were welcomed at today's celebrations.

When we all meet again, it won't matter in what capacity we loved one another; and it shouldn't matter either at the moment if he should happen to die.