Should Happen to Die

No matter how many times you go through it, homegoing celebrations never get easier. Today we buried Darren - one of my favorites out of the 100+ cousins I have. Darren tremendously loved his family - despite the strain, his job - despite the stress, and his gym - despite the sweat.

The running joke of the family was that Darren also loved one more thing just as much as the first three - women.

We often had bets amongst us - "Which girl was Darren going to bring to this family function?" At the time of his passing, I'm sure a handful of girls thought they were the last to have a special connection with him. But during the fourth and final decade of his life, two were considered to be the front runners. Darren never committed to either of them, that just wasn't his style. But the love he had for each one was evident to us all.

Of course I was concerned for his father, siblings, other family members, and friends when I learned of his passing. But I also felt a wave of empathy for his other two loves. For they were living one of my worst dating nightmares.

Because no one is from Atlanta, I rarely meet the families of the men I date. But what if one of them should happen to die either while or soon after we were together? Would I even know about it? Would I, a random girlfriend, be allowed to grieve for him in the way that I'm used to?

I know that the universe will never put me in this situation. But just as a sort of karmic insurance, I did my part to show Darren's loves that they were welcomed at today's celebrations.

When we all meet again, it won't matter in what capacity we loved one another; and it shouldn't matter either at the moment if he should happen to die.