I can't get enough of Adele's 'Someone Like You'. Especially...
"Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?"
Ooooohhhh, that last line. Whew.
It's funny how your memory works. (Like, you know your mama whooped you as a child, but you can't remember the pain.) Memories of men gone by are vague. Maybe it's because of that or maybe it's because I was one of the lucky ones and never experienced it in the first place - either way, I have no memory of something as bittersweet as this very moment.
He came into my life for an extremely clear (to me) reason; for that I'll forever be grateful. While I tip my hat to my creator for packaging my saving grace from the most horrible dating situation of my life in such a yummy and mentally-stimulating way...it still tastes so unbelievably bittersweet.
Why couldn’t he at least stay for a season? (If I had it my way, he would stay for a lifetime).
Okay, I get the fact that his purpose was to show me that there are still wonderful men out there and I didn’t have to settle for what the previous one was offering. Knowing that is sweet, so sweet.
But the bitter comes in because of just how wonderful he is. He’s what dreams are made of. Oh why can’t my dreams become a reality?
Hmmm, maybe there's hope for that after all. Adele continues...
"Nevermind I'll find someone like you..."
And I will; no doubt about it.
Perhaps this doesn't taste bittersweet at all. Maybe it's neutral; a palate-cleanser, like pickled ginger on a plate of sushi. I guess I have no choice but to sit back and wait for the next course.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
For you, on your birthday
Today you are 40.
But to me, you are also so much more.
You're quite possibly the most covertly-funny man I've ever met. I already laugh a lot, but the amount was substantially boosted during every conversation with you. You're funny in a natural, rather than "Hey, let me tell you a joke!", kind of way. I wish you a lifetime of laughter.
You're as mentally-stimulating as one person can possibly be. You caused and even encouraged me to consider multiple points of view and deeply reflect on various aspects of life. But none of that beat the task of comparing and contrasting the Booty Warrior news clip to the corresponding Boondocks episode. I'm certainly a better person because of that. I wish you a lifetime of experiences and conversations that also stimulate your mind.
You're (in the words of Roald Dahl) scrumpdiddlyumptious! From the top of your bald head, to your sock-clad feet, and everything in between - my only reaction is "Yes, please." I try to keep this blog as PG-13 as possible, so let's just stop there. I wish you a lifetime as the recipient of second glances.
You're a model member of your fraternity. You also believe that we should work much harder than we play. You're active with the organization, but not to the point that it completely overtakes your life. You also are the type of member that supports neighboring chapters, even if they are not directly related to your own. I wish you a lifetime of reflections on and appreciations of the events at Thirkield Hall 100 years ago.
You're one of the smartest men I know. Two Masters degrees alone doesn't make you so, even if one is from NATS. The way you consistently apply that gained knowledge to the world around you is certainly a treat to witness. I wish you a lifetime of getting the answer to Final Jeopardy correct.
You're also dependable, driven, and kind. But I'll bring this to a close. Heck, there's a good chance your (beautiful) eyes may never even read these words. Besides, this is not anything you don't already know.
Happy Birthday...and many more.
But to me, you are also so much more.
You're quite possibly the most covertly-funny man I've ever met. I already laugh a lot, but the amount was substantially boosted during every conversation with you. You're funny in a natural, rather than "Hey, let me tell you a joke!", kind of way. I wish you a lifetime of laughter.
You're as mentally-stimulating as one person can possibly be. You caused and even encouraged me to consider multiple points of view and deeply reflect on various aspects of life. But none of that beat the task of comparing and contrasting the Booty Warrior news clip to the corresponding Boondocks episode. I'm certainly a better person because of that. I wish you a lifetime of experiences and conversations that also stimulate your mind.
You're (in the words of Roald Dahl) scrumpdiddlyumptious! From the top of your bald head, to your sock-clad feet, and everything in between - my only reaction is "Yes, please." I try to keep this blog as PG-13 as possible, so let's just stop there. I wish you a lifetime as the recipient of second glances.
You're a model member of your fraternity. You also believe that we should work much harder than we play. You're active with the organization, but not to the point that it completely overtakes your life. You also are the type of member that supports neighboring chapters, even if they are not directly related to your own. I wish you a lifetime of reflections on and appreciations of the events at Thirkield Hall 100 years ago.
You're one of the smartest men I know. Two Masters degrees alone doesn't make you so, even if one is from NATS. The way you consistently apply that gained knowledge to the world around you is certainly a treat to witness. I wish you a lifetime of getting the answer to Final Jeopardy correct.
You're also dependable, driven, and kind. But I'll bring this to a close. Heck, there's a good chance your (beautiful) eyes may never even read these words. Besides, this is not anything you don't already know.
Happy Birthday...and many more.
Monday, September 5, 2011
My Favorite Things - Pt. II
It's been almost 4 years since my last 'Favorite Things' post. All of the things on the original list are still relevant, but I think it's time to add some more.
1. Finding/booking travel deals
I've become semi-obsessed with finding (and booking!) the best travel deals ever in life. I'm headed to Playa del Carmen next week and secured my best deal yet! We're paying $522 total for a 5-day/4-night stay at an all-inclusive that consistently garners excellent reviews. We usually pay around $750 for the same time span and I always thought those were great deals!
2. Traveling
I guess this is sort of similar to #1. The trip to Playa will be my fourth major vacay just this year. I went to Jamaica (by myself!) in February, Cancun in April, and Puerto Rico in July. I can get used to this plan of traveling every other month. I also went to Savannah on three separate occasions this year, and to Nashville and Ohio one time each.
3. Apple products
The iPad is now my fave invention. But I also love the simplicity of Apple computers and their native software programs (Garage Band, iMovie, iPhoto, etc.). AND I'm currently still using my horrible cell (even after the contract ran out) as I eagerly await the arrival of the iPhone 5. Yes, I'm finally moving into the world of smart phones!
4. In-town living
For the past 3 years, I've lived in a trendy, in-town neighborhood. Rarely do I have to get on the highway. I can walk to so many places (but often choose not to - it's hot). The best part is that I'm only 3 blocks from a major park here in this awesome city. I mentioned hanging out in that park in my original Favorite Things list. I don't think I could ever go back to living in the 'burbs.
5. Yoga
I just made the decision to not renew my gym membership. I only used it for the yoga classes and figured there were other options out there - including doing yoga at home. Ha ha; I'm not disciplined enough to do anything at home. I'll most likely begin a new membership agreement at my old gym and resume yoga classes there. My favorite things about yoga - the room is so quiet and aches, minor pains, and extra pounds are stretched away.
6. Bacon
I'm really, really close to becoming a vegetarian. I went a whole month without meat earlier this year and the frozen meals I buy for lunch during the work week are vegetarian (and sometimes vegan). But, I can't shake my love for bacon. I prefer to eat it every day, but try to limit it to 3 - 4 times a week.
7. Crab legs
Not only do I love crab legs, but I also love how Kroger (and Publix, I recently heard) steams them for you with a liberal amount of Old Bay seasoning! I hate how they take so long to eat, but once you crack them open and get to that tasty meat...OMG!
8. Babies
I've managed to keep my maternal side at bay for a really long time. But I do have to admit that I love, love babies! I love the way they smell, how peaceful they look while sleeping, their innocence. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll have a baby of my own one day. I still feel no need to rush that.
9. Blogs
My day isn't complete without reading several blogs. Some are serious - http://blogs.ajc.com/get-schooled-blog/about/, some are quite gossipy - http://sandrarose.com/, some are educational - http://sandrarose.com/, some are inspirational - http://www.jamaicamyway.com/. I love to read what everyday people write. We all have something to say!
10. Jamaica
So this at least indirectly relates to numbers 1, 2, and 9 above. The country has mesmerized me since my first trip in 2005. Like the commercial says, "Once you go, you know." But exactly a year ago, I learned that my great-grandmother's family was from Jamaica. Hmmmmm; that may explain some things.
I just realized I can go on and on and on. Simply put, I love so many things in life. I make conscious efforts to surround myself with the things (and people!) I love. I may have 6 years left on the face of Earth or 60 - that's up to Him. But what's up to me is living it to the fullest and enjoying every single vacation and piece of bacon that comes my way.
1. Finding/booking travel deals
I've become semi-obsessed with finding (and booking!) the best travel deals ever in life. I'm headed to Playa del Carmen next week and secured my best deal yet! We're paying $522 total for a 5-day/4-night stay at an all-inclusive that consistently garners excellent reviews. We usually pay around $750 for the same time span and I always thought those were great deals!
2. Traveling
I guess this is sort of similar to #1. The trip to Playa will be my fourth major vacay just this year. I went to Jamaica (by myself!) in February, Cancun in April, and Puerto Rico in July. I can get used to this plan of traveling every other month. I also went to Savannah on three separate occasions this year, and to Nashville and Ohio one time each.
3. Apple products
The iPad is now my fave invention. But I also love the simplicity of Apple computers and their native software programs (Garage Band, iMovie, iPhoto, etc.). AND I'm currently still using my horrible cell (even after the contract ran out) as I eagerly await the arrival of the iPhone 5. Yes, I'm finally moving into the world of smart phones!
4. In-town living
For the past 3 years, I've lived in a trendy, in-town neighborhood. Rarely do I have to get on the highway. I can walk to so many places (but often choose not to - it's hot). The best part is that I'm only 3 blocks from a major park here in this awesome city. I mentioned hanging out in that park in my original Favorite Things list. I don't think I could ever go back to living in the 'burbs.
5. Yoga
I just made the decision to not renew my gym membership. I only used it for the yoga classes and figured there were other options out there - including doing yoga at home. Ha ha; I'm not disciplined enough to do anything at home. I'll most likely begin a new membership agreement at my old gym and resume yoga classes there. My favorite things about yoga - the room is so quiet and aches, minor pains, and extra pounds are stretched away.
6. Bacon
I'm really, really close to becoming a vegetarian. I went a whole month without meat earlier this year and the frozen meals I buy for lunch during the work week are vegetarian (and sometimes vegan). But, I can't shake my love for bacon. I prefer to eat it every day, but try to limit it to 3 - 4 times a week.
7. Crab legs
Not only do I love crab legs, but I also love how Kroger (and Publix, I recently heard) steams them for you with a liberal amount of Old Bay seasoning! I hate how they take so long to eat, but once you crack them open and get to that tasty meat...OMG!
8. Babies
I've managed to keep my maternal side at bay for a really long time. But I do have to admit that I love, love babies! I love the way they smell, how peaceful they look while sleeping, their innocence. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll have a baby of my own one day. I still feel no need to rush that.
9. Blogs
My day isn't complete without reading several blogs. Some are serious - http://blogs.ajc.com/get-schooled-blog/about/, some are quite gossipy - http://sandrarose.com/, some are educational - http://sandrarose.com/, some are inspirational - http://www.jamaicamyway.com/. I love to read what everyday people write. We all have something to say!
10. Jamaica
So this at least indirectly relates to numbers 1, 2, and 9 above. The country has mesmerized me since my first trip in 2005. Like the commercial says, "Once you go, you know." But exactly a year ago, I learned that my great-grandmother's family was from Jamaica. Hmmmmm; that may explain some things.
I just realized I can go on and on and on. Simply put, I love so many things in life. I make conscious efforts to surround myself with the things (and people!) I love. I may have 6 years left on the face of Earth or 60 - that's up to Him. But what's up to me is living it to the fullest and enjoying every single vacation and piece of bacon that comes my way.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Word
While I have nothing against it, you don't have to head to church on Sunday mornings in order to hear 'the word'. Listen carefully; you may hear it from a close friend or even from a complete stranger. Words I heard from an author of a book I recently read made my world come to a screeching halt.
"With your blog, Twitter, and everything else you have going on, how do you even make time to write (more novels)?", someone asked during the Q & A portion of the event.
She giggled before proceeding.
I can't recall her exact answer, but it was quite profound. She said we all need to begin cutting people out of our lives and eliminating commitments that are keeping us away from our passions.
Regrettably, I then tuned completely out of the rest of the session. I was stuck on her words.
It annoys me when people say 'I wish there was more time in the day'. We have what we have, but how we choose to use it is entirely up to us. I immediately realized I'm halfway there. I've already cut many people out of my life. Many of them were amazing in so many ways, but were just not healthy for me. I just can't give valuable real estate to folks who aren't contributing to my health and well-being. But I have serious ground to make on the issue of allowing commitments keeping me away from my passions. Heck, I'm so busy with random tasks that I don't even know what my passions are.
A long-term commitment comes to an end next February. Normally, I'd immediately replace it with something else. But her words today were just the antidote I needed. It certainly won't happen overnight, but from here on I vow to analyze my commitments and keep only the ones that allow my life to be filled with experiences that provide fuel for my life, liberty, and my pursuit of happiness.
"With your blog, Twitter, and everything else you have going on, how do you even make time to write (more novels)?", someone asked during the Q & A portion of the event.
She giggled before proceeding.
I can't recall her exact answer, but it was quite profound. She said we all need to begin cutting people out of our lives and eliminating commitments that are keeping us away from our passions.
Regrettably, I then tuned completely out of the rest of the session. I was stuck on her words.
It annoys me when people say 'I wish there was more time in the day'. We have what we have, but how we choose to use it is entirely up to us. I immediately realized I'm halfway there. I've already cut many people out of my life. Many of them were amazing in so many ways, but were just not healthy for me. I just can't give valuable real estate to folks who aren't contributing to my health and well-being. But I have serious ground to make on the issue of allowing commitments keeping me away from my passions. Heck, I'm so busy with random tasks that I don't even know what my passions are.
A long-term commitment comes to an end next February. Normally, I'd immediately replace it with something else. But her words today were just the antidote I needed. It certainly won't happen overnight, but from here on I vow to analyze my commitments and keep only the ones that allow my life to be filled with experiences that provide fuel for my life, liberty, and my pursuit of happiness.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Best Thing I Never Had
Late last year, I crossed something off the 'Things I'd Never Do' list. I made a conscious decision to date a man who was already in a relationship.
Do I feel guilty? No. Do I regret it? No. Am I so unbelievably happy it's over? Yes.
I use the term "dating" quite loosely in this situation. He lives 3.5 hours from here; as a result, we only saw each other on 5 separate occasions. We held phone conversations quite often early on, but those fell back to 1 - 2 times a week after that.
But despite the infrequency of our face-to-face contact, he still turned out to be the 'Best Thing I Never Had'. (If you've turned on the radio at any point over the past month, you'll recognize that as the title of Beyonce's latest song.)
Yes this is a blog, but I honestly find it impossible to find the words to explain why I was drawn to this man enough to do something I previously thought I'd never do. Truthfully, I don't want to find the words. He also felt the magical connection between us and I actually like the fact that no one will be able to understand why we did what we did. "Why" actually doesn't even matter.
What does matter is that I can walk away with from this situation, a) with my head held high (and tears fully dried), and b) with the confidence that this will never happen again.
Have an honest conversation with any single Black male or female and the topic of "the ratio" will eventually come up. But even though the number of available Black men is disappointingly low, never again will I feel the need to share one. The situation is just not that dire.
You'll never hear me spew even one bad comment about him. He truly was the best thing I never had; to this day I think he's thoughtful, humorous, intellectual, kind, and unbelievably yummy.
But so am I.
Do I feel guilty? No. Do I regret it? No. Am I so unbelievably happy it's over? Yes.
I use the term "dating" quite loosely in this situation. He lives 3.5 hours from here; as a result, we only saw each other on 5 separate occasions. We held phone conversations quite often early on, but those fell back to 1 - 2 times a week after that.
But despite the infrequency of our face-to-face contact, he still turned out to be the 'Best Thing I Never Had'. (If you've turned on the radio at any point over the past month, you'll recognize that as the title of Beyonce's latest song.)
Yes this is a blog, but I honestly find it impossible to find the words to explain why I was drawn to this man enough to do something I previously thought I'd never do. Truthfully, I don't want to find the words. He also felt the magical connection between us and I actually like the fact that no one will be able to understand why we did what we did. "Why" actually doesn't even matter.
What does matter is that I can walk away with from this situation, a) with my head held high (and tears fully dried), and b) with the confidence that this will never happen again.
Have an honest conversation with any single Black male or female and the topic of "the ratio" will eventually come up. But even though the number of available Black men is disappointingly low, never again will I feel the need to share one. The situation is just not that dire.
You'll never hear me spew even one bad comment about him. He truly was the best thing I never had; to this day I think he's thoughtful, humorous, intellectual, kind, and unbelievably yummy.
But so am I.
Friday, August 13, 2010
The Top Five Mistakes Men Make When Posting a Profile to an Online Dating Site
9/3/11 - Grad school/having a full-time job, combined with the most stressful dating experience of my life (see post from 09/02/11), combined with a major position in a volunteer organization, caused a year-long hiatus in contributing to this blog.
I logged on today to edit another post and found that I began this one over a year ago. After reading it a few times, it looks like it was supposed to be 'The Top Ten Mistakes Men Make When Posting a Profile on an Online Dating Site' or something like that. Five things are listed, but it seems as if I just forgot to come back to finish the list. But since I no longer use the services of online dating sites, I actually can't come up with 5 other mistakes. So I'll change the numbers and still publish the list anyway, but as a Top 5. So here it goes...
Originally written on 8/13/11
5. Self-portraits taken with a cell (or any other picture taking device) in the mirror.
- That's quite lame. Next time you're out having fun somewhere, ask a friend - or even a complete stranger - to take a picture of you!
4. Mentioning God
- I believe in our creator just as much as the next person. But I'm automatically weary about anyone who feels the need to talk about Him right away.
3. No picture
- Online dating is already a crap shoot. But in craps at least I get to see what the dice look like before I roll 'em.
2. Mentioning your sex drive
- You're a man; of course your sex drive is high!
1. Misspeling Werdz
- First, I think all online dating sites should come with a spell-check option and clear directions about how to use it. But if you are going to misspell words, don't do ironic ones like 'collge'.
I logged on today to edit another post and found that I began this one over a year ago. After reading it a few times, it looks like it was supposed to be 'The Top Ten Mistakes Men Make When Posting a Profile on an Online Dating Site' or something like that. Five things are listed, but it seems as if I just forgot to come back to finish the list. But since I no longer use the services of online dating sites, I actually can't come up with 5 other mistakes. So I'll change the numbers and still publish the list anyway, but as a Top 5. So here it goes...
Originally written on 8/13/11
5. Self-portraits taken with a cell (or any other picture taking device) in the mirror.
- That's quite lame. Next time you're out having fun somewhere, ask a friend - or even a complete stranger - to take a picture of you!
4. Mentioning God
- I believe in our creator just as much as the next person. But I'm automatically weary about anyone who feels the need to talk about Him right away.
3. No picture
- Online dating is already a crap shoot. But in craps at least I get to see what the dice look like before I roll 'em.
2. Mentioning your sex drive
- You're a man; of course your sex drive is high!
1. Misspeling Werdz
- First, I think all online dating sites should come with a spell-check option and clear directions about how to use it. But if you are going to misspell words, don't do ironic ones like 'collge'.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I date men who want to get married...just not to me!
1/10 of my weekday morning routine is to sit down at my desktop in nothing but my shower wrap. With the news in the background, I open up Facebook and catch up on the status updates and such that came through overnight. The site also tells me which friends are celebrating birthdays. I go to each person's page and leave them a quick message. While going through these motions the other day, I left the usual greetings for a guy I used to date. (The same guy I talked about in the post 'First Words'.) Before leaving, I looked at the left-hand side and...
Is engaged to _________.
Ugh! Really?!
He moved from Atlanta over a year ago and I knew I'd never see or talk to him again away from FB. I had no problems with that - as long as he was 'single'. (Meaning not engaged nor married. ) But for the second time in just a few months, I had to sever a Facebook friendship with a former flame due to his status change.
Okay, I'll admit it - I date men who want to get married...just not to me! But I'm finally at a point in my life where I don't think it's necessarily me that's the issue - despite me being the least common denominator.
In one of my favorite Sex and the City episodes, Samantha compares men to taxis. She's referencing the belief that when men are (finally, it seems) open to the idea of dating long-term/getting married, they'll 'turn their light on'. Whomever enters their life next is subjected to the possibility of making a man want to change their relationship status on Facebook. But if the light is flipped to the off position, there's little to nothing a girl can do to advance the relationship any further than the (dreaded, for me) 'kickin it' phase.
After many years of dating, I am a believer in Samantha's theory. Of course many people believe they are great catches; I definitely do. But I have yet to get past one year of dating the same guy, despite all of my awesome qualities. It makes me feel better to think that I just have not hailed a guy who's light was on. So until I do, I'm going to enjoy this solo cab ride and do my best to be happy for him, despite the fact that his light came on after I arrived at my stop.
Is engaged to _________.
Ugh! Really?!
He moved from Atlanta over a year ago and I knew I'd never see or talk to him again away from FB. I had no problems with that - as long as he was 'single'. (Meaning not engaged nor married. ) But for the second time in just a few months, I had to sever a Facebook friendship with a former flame due to his status change.
Okay, I'll admit it - I date men who want to get married...just not to me! But I'm finally at a point in my life where I don't think it's necessarily me that's the issue - despite me being the least common denominator.
In one of my favorite Sex and the City episodes, Samantha compares men to taxis. She's referencing the belief that when men are (finally, it seems) open to the idea of dating long-term/getting married, they'll 'turn their light on'. Whomever enters their life next is subjected to the possibility of making a man want to change their relationship status on Facebook. But if the light is flipped to the off position, there's little to nothing a girl can do to advance the relationship any further than the (dreaded, for me) 'kickin it' phase.
After many years of dating, I am a believer in Samantha's theory. Of course many people believe they are great catches; I definitely do. But I have yet to get past one year of dating the same guy, despite all of my awesome qualities. It makes me feel better to think that I just have not hailed a guy who's light was on. So until I do, I'm going to enjoy this solo cab ride and do my best to be happy for him, despite the fact that his light came on after I arrived at my stop.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)