9/3/11 - Grad school/having a full-time job, combined with the most stressful dating experience of my life (see post from 09/02/11), combined with a major position in a volunteer organization, caused a year-long hiatus in contributing to this blog.
I logged on today to edit another post and found that I began this one over a year ago. After reading it a few times, it looks like it was supposed to be 'The Top Ten Mistakes Men Make When Posting a Profile on an Online Dating Site' or something like that. Five things are listed, but it seems as if I just forgot to come back to finish the list. But since I no longer use the services of online dating sites, I actually can't come up with 5 other mistakes. So I'll change the numbers and still publish the list anyway, but as a Top 5. So here it goes...
Originally written on 8/13/11
5. Self-portraits taken with a cell (or any other picture taking device) in the mirror.
- That's quite lame. Next time you're out having fun somewhere, ask a friend - or even a complete stranger - to take a picture of you!
4. Mentioning God
- I believe in our creator just as much as the next person. But I'm automatically weary about anyone who feels the need to talk about Him right away.
3. No picture
- Online dating is already a crap shoot. But in craps at least I get to see what the dice look like before I roll 'em.
2. Mentioning your sex drive
- You're a man; of course your sex drive is high!
1. Misspeling Werdz
- First, I think all online dating sites should come with a spell-check option and clear directions about how to use it. But if you are going to misspell words, don't do ironic ones like 'collge'.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I date men who want to get married...just not to me!
1/10 of my weekday morning routine is to sit down at my desktop in nothing but my shower wrap. With the news in the background, I open up Facebook and catch up on the status updates and such that came through overnight. The site also tells me which friends are celebrating birthdays. I go to each person's page and leave them a quick message. While going through these motions the other day, I left the usual greetings for a guy I used to date. (The same guy I talked about in the post 'First Words'.) Before leaving, I looked at the left-hand side and...
Is engaged to _________.
Ugh! Really?!
He moved from Atlanta over a year ago and I knew I'd never see or talk to him again away from FB. I had no problems with that - as long as he was 'single'. (Meaning not engaged nor married. ) But for the second time in just a few months, I had to sever a Facebook friendship with a former flame due to his status change.
Okay, I'll admit it - I date men who want to get married...just not to me! But I'm finally at a point in my life where I don't think it's necessarily me that's the issue - despite me being the least common denominator.
In one of my favorite Sex and the City episodes, Samantha compares men to taxis. She's referencing the belief that when men are (finally, it seems) open to the idea of dating long-term/getting married, they'll 'turn their light on'. Whomever enters their life next is subjected to the possibility of making a man want to change their relationship status on Facebook. But if the light is flipped to the off position, there's little to nothing a girl can do to advance the relationship any further than the (dreaded, for me) 'kickin it' phase.
After many years of dating, I am a believer in Samantha's theory. Of course many people believe they are great catches; I definitely do. But I have yet to get past one year of dating the same guy, despite all of my awesome qualities. It makes me feel better to think that I just have not hailed a guy who's light was on. So until I do, I'm going to enjoy this solo cab ride and do my best to be happy for him, despite the fact that his light came on after I arrived at my stop.
Is engaged to _________.
Ugh! Really?!
He moved from Atlanta over a year ago and I knew I'd never see or talk to him again away from FB. I had no problems with that - as long as he was 'single'. (Meaning not engaged nor married. ) But for the second time in just a few months, I had to sever a Facebook friendship with a former flame due to his status change.
Okay, I'll admit it - I date men who want to get married...just not to me! But I'm finally at a point in my life where I don't think it's necessarily me that's the issue - despite me being the least common denominator.
In one of my favorite Sex and the City episodes, Samantha compares men to taxis. She's referencing the belief that when men are (finally, it seems) open to the idea of dating long-term/getting married, they'll 'turn their light on'. Whomever enters their life next is subjected to the possibility of making a man want to change their relationship status on Facebook. But if the light is flipped to the off position, there's little to nothing a girl can do to advance the relationship any further than the (dreaded, for me) 'kickin it' phase.
After many years of dating, I am a believer in Samantha's theory. Of course many people believe they are great catches; I definitely do. But I have yet to get past one year of dating the same guy, despite all of my awesome qualities. It makes me feel better to think that I just have not hailed a guy who's light was on. So until I do, I'm going to enjoy this solo cab ride and do my best to be happy for him, despite the fact that his light came on after I arrived at my stop.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Not That Into You
When Greg Behrendt wrote the book 'He's Just Not That Into You', women all over erupted into a frenzy. The same will probably happen early next year when the movie version is released. They didn't need to spend additional money to prepare a trailer, though. They could've taped my life for the past 7 months.
So far this year, three separate guys have been just not that into me. Three! So I know that a single gal that's even halfway immersed in the dating world is faced with the chance of that happening on a regular basis. But that's how many times he's been not that into me in all of my eleven previous years of dating combined!
I'm usually the one who's just not that into him. As India Arie says, "You see The Truth, it needs no proof. Either it is or it isn't." I know pretty quickly whether it is or it isn't. I see little need to pretend.
But, ugh!, I hate when the shoe is on the other foot.
My spiritual belief is that my creator, and not me, is running thangs. While I may know a lot, he knows everything - including whether or not the man of the month is supposed to be into me. The logical side of me understands this. But, unfortunately the heart isn't as reasonable.
Here's wishing that the next guy whose path mine crosses will be just that into me...
So far this year, three separate guys have been just not that into me. Three! So I know that a single gal that's even halfway immersed in the dating world is faced with the chance of that happening on a regular basis. But that's how many times he's been not that into me in all of my eleven previous years of dating combined!
I'm usually the one who's just not that into him. As India Arie says, "You see The Truth, it needs no proof. Either it is or it isn't." I know pretty quickly whether it is or it isn't. I see little need to pretend.
But, ugh!, I hate when the shoe is on the other foot.
My spiritual belief is that my creator, and not me, is running thangs. While I may know a lot, he knows everything - including whether or not the man of the month is supposed to be into me. The logical side of me understands this. But, unfortunately the heart isn't as reasonable.
Here's wishing that the next guy whose path mine crosses will be just that into me...
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Register to Vote
All I wanted to do was go listen to jazz while drinking the random beverage that I would smuggle into the park. But all she wanted to do was go listen to jazz while holding up a random clipboard that said "Register to Vote". She won. The catch was that our impromptu voter registration drive had to take place outside of the park - but lucky for us, the band had amplifiers.
After two hours, I walked away with a handful of completed forms to turn in. I also walked away with the realization that not all of us are optimistic about Obama. Eight out of every ten people claimed to already be registered and gave me an appreciative smile. The ninth out of those ten stopped to complete the form or ask a question. But that tenth person, oh my!
There are people who actually believe that their one vote doesn't make a difference! Others say that our future is going to suck for the mere reason that our past did. A few think that Barack doesn't have a chance of winning, so why bother? The first time I got a response like this, I was blown away. Unfortunately, I got used to it as time went on. But I'll never be alright with it.
My only hope is that my words sunk in as those folks walked away. I let them in on the big secret that our past can't be changed, but the same is not true for our future. The teacher in me came out and gave them a quick math lesson - if we added up all the people that say their one vote doesn't matter, then that would equal a whole lot of votes that did matter. Because of the high stakes, I had to do this in a way that wasn't condescending.
We're almost there - by my estimate 90% of us are on board to exercise the right that our ancestors fought for. Vote for who you want, that's not the point. But while you're making that decision, make sure others around you know that their decision is just as important.
After two hours, I walked away with a handful of completed forms to turn in. I also walked away with the realization that not all of us are optimistic about Obama. Eight out of every ten people claimed to already be registered and gave me an appreciative smile. The ninth out of those ten stopped to complete the form or ask a question. But that tenth person, oh my!
There are people who actually believe that their one vote doesn't make a difference! Others say that our future is going to suck for the mere reason that our past did. A few think that Barack doesn't have a chance of winning, so why bother? The first time I got a response like this, I was blown away. Unfortunately, I got used to it as time went on. But I'll never be alright with it.
My only hope is that my words sunk in as those folks walked away. I let them in on the big secret that our past can't be changed, but the same is not true for our future. The teacher in me came out and gave them a quick math lesson - if we added up all the people that say their one vote doesn't matter, then that would equal a whole lot of votes that did matter. Because of the high stakes, I had to do this in a way that wasn't condescending.
We're almost there - by my estimate 90% of us are on board to exercise the right that our ancestors fought for. Vote for who you want, that's not the point. But while you're making that decision, make sure others around you know that their decision is just as important.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Should Happen to Die
No matter how many times you go through it, homegoing celebrations never get easier. Today we buried Darren - one of my favorites out of the 100+ cousins I have. Darren tremendously loved his family - despite the strain, his job - despite the stress, and his gym - despite the sweat.
The running joke of the family was that Darren also loved one more thing just as much as the first three - women.
We often had bets amongst us - "Which girl was Darren going to bring to this family function?" At the time of his passing, I'm sure a handful of girls thought they were the last to have a special connection with him. But during the fourth and final decade of his life, two were considered to be the front runners. Darren never committed to either of them, that just wasn't his style. But the love he had for each one was evident to us all.
Of course I was concerned for his father, siblings, other family members, and friends when I learned of his passing. But I also felt a wave of empathy for his other two loves. For they were living one of my worst dating nightmares.
Because no one is from Atlanta, I rarely meet the families of the men I date. But what if one of them should happen to die either while or soon after we were together? Would I even know about it? Would I, a random girlfriend, be allowed to grieve for him in the way that I'm used to?
I know that the universe will never put me in this situation. But just as a sort of karmic insurance, I did my part to show Darren's loves that they were welcomed at today's celebrations.
When we all meet again, it won't matter in what capacity we loved one another; and it shouldn't matter either at the moment if he should happen to die.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Confusion
"Yes! A beer festival!", I shouted internally as I read the email from Andrea. After a quick reply, plans were made to attend Draft on Taft - an all-the-Budweiser-you-can-drink-for-$25 event that would take place just two blocks from my new place the following weekend.
After about 4 hours of heavy chugging, I allegedly approached one of the only other black folks there. Anyone who knows me knows that my memory is the first thing that goes when I'm drinking. I'm sure I was able to strike up a great, well probably just good, conversation with this dude. Good enough that he invited me to his place; good enough that I woke up the next morning on the living room floor at his place.
My dress was still on the next morning, thank you very much.
I recollect walking to the car with him after the festival and bits and pieces of the conversation we had back at his place. But other than that, he came into my life amidst much confusion.
And left the same way.
Tivo-forward (badoomp, badoomp, badoomp) a week and a half later. He's gone just as quickly as he arrived. There's as much confusion surrounding me now as there was the night we met.
We didn't see each other again until exactly a week after the fest and only exchanged a few texts and calls. But then we decided to make up for lost time by going on a date that lasted for 30 hours! No lie, email me for details if you're that interested. Out of 10 stars, I'd give the date 9.3. It involved things that usually don't come 'til much later, like meeting his fam and a bunch of his friends. Those 30 hours were some of the best I've had in awhile and he couldn't have been better company if he tried.
Half a week later, I get the following text.
"Hey...what's up...so I have a lot going on right now. I enjoy talking and hanging out with you, but right now...I need to focus on a few things. I'm asking for time."
And that, my friends, is why I haven't dated in over 2 years! What the hell is that? The confusion I had about how we met comes no where near the confusion I have now. For the life of me, I honestly can not understand how a guy can (seem to?) be totally into you one day and then is "asking for time" the next.
The universe worked its magic and my Kismet randomly called shortly after I got the text. He was able to explain it from a man's point of view and I'm beginning to come out of the fog of bewilderment.
It'll take a day or two for the fog to completely lift. But when it does, the only confusion that better remain is about how to get back out there and do it all over again!
After about 4 hours of heavy chugging, I allegedly approached one of the only other black folks there. Anyone who knows me knows that my memory is the first thing that goes when I'm drinking. I'm sure I was able to strike up a great, well probably just good, conversation with this dude. Good enough that he invited me to his place; good enough that I woke up the next morning on the living room floor at his place.
My dress was still on the next morning, thank you very much.
I recollect walking to the car with him after the festival and bits and pieces of the conversation we had back at his place. But other than that, he came into my life amidst much confusion.
And left the same way.
Tivo-forward (badoomp, badoomp, badoomp) a week and a half later. He's gone just as quickly as he arrived. There's as much confusion surrounding me now as there was the night we met.
We didn't see each other again until exactly a week after the fest and only exchanged a few texts and calls. But then we decided to make up for lost time by going on a date that lasted for 30 hours! No lie, email me for details if you're that interested. Out of 10 stars, I'd give the date 9.3. It involved things that usually don't come 'til much later, like meeting his fam and a bunch of his friends. Those 30 hours were some of the best I've had in awhile and he couldn't have been better company if he tried.
Half a week later, I get the following text.
"Hey...what's up...so I have a lot going on right now. I enjoy talking and hanging out with you, but right now...I need to focus on a few things. I'm asking for time."
And that, my friends, is why I haven't dated in over 2 years! What the hell is that? The confusion I had about how we met comes no where near the confusion I have now. For the life of me, I honestly can not understand how a guy can (seem to?) be totally into you one day and then is "asking for time" the next.
The universe worked its magic and my Kismet randomly called shortly after I got the text. He was able to explain it from a man's point of view and I'm beginning to come out of the fog of bewilderment.
It'll take a day or two for the fog to completely lift. But when it does, the only confusion that better remain is about how to get back out there and do it all over again!
Thursday, May 1, 2008
My New Necklace
After sushi with two of my teacher friends, we sauntered over to Barnes and Noble - it's currently Educator Appreciation Week there. The door we entered led into the stationary/journals/calendars section. But from over by the registers, we heard the highest, tiniest voice shriek "Hey - look at my new necklace!" Seconds later, a little girl with the brightest, blondest hair ever pranced into our section. As she fingered the gold pendant, she began to ramble about it coming with a book that her mom just bought. After we admired her necklace and told her that we wished one would come with our books too, we walked away with "Awwwwwwwww!" smiles plastered on our faces.
"Now she's present," one of my friends observed.
At dinner we got to talking about one of my most-liked parts of Eckhart Tolle's latest book - 'A New Earth'. He touches upon the importance of being present. At this present moment, I am (trying to be) committed to letting my thoughts flow. I'm (trying) not (to be) distracted by the background noise I call TV or the motorcyclers down on Monroe. Or are they up on Peachtree? I am (trying to be) aware of the way my fingers feel as they hit the keys. Keys that still stick; four whole months after I spilled hot tea on them! I spilled the tea while in Warner Robins for the introduction to my ESOL certification courses. Warner Robins is near Macon, where my Sigma crush lives. I hope he comes up this weekend for the picnic...
Oh, back to being present.
I already know that the present is a gift. But with Eckhart's assistance, I want to begin appreciating the present; instead of using it as simply a look-out ledge into the future.
Never has Amy spoke truer words. The little girl today was so present. Mere minutes before our entrance, she most likely convinced her mother to place the necklace on her even before they actually paid for the book it accompanied. At that moment, nothing in the world was more important than that necklace; and the book ran an extremely close second. I loved how she shared the good news of the necklace with us - total strangers. (But I've always been convinced that kids naturally gravitate towards teachers.)
I know, I know - kids love when they get anything new! But I think we can all learn a lesson from her. Whether you get a new piece of jewelry or a new lease on life (read: another breath), rejoice and be present in it. Celebrate your successes and analyze your failures. Just be present and give the moment its due.
"Now she's present," one of my friends observed.
At dinner we got to talking about one of my most-liked parts of Eckhart Tolle's latest book - 'A New Earth'. He touches upon the importance of being present. At this present moment, I am (trying to be) committed to letting my thoughts flow. I'm (trying) not (to be) distracted by the background noise I call TV or the motorcyclers down on Monroe. Or are they up on Peachtree? I am (trying to be) aware of the way my fingers feel as they hit the keys. Keys that still stick; four whole months after I spilled hot tea on them! I spilled the tea while in Warner Robins for the introduction to my ESOL certification courses. Warner Robins is near Macon, where my Sigma crush lives. I hope he comes up this weekend for the picnic...
Oh, back to being present.
I already know that the present is a gift. But with Eckhart's assistance, I want to begin appreciating the present; instead of using it as simply a look-out ledge into the future.
Never has Amy spoke truer words. The little girl today was so present. Mere minutes before our entrance, she most likely convinced her mother to place the necklace on her even before they actually paid for the book it accompanied. At that moment, nothing in the world was more important than that necklace; and the book ran an extremely close second. I loved how she shared the good news of the necklace with us - total strangers. (But I've always been convinced that kids naturally gravitate towards teachers.)
I know, I know - kids love when they get anything new! But I think we can all learn a lesson from her. Whether you get a new piece of jewelry or a new lease on life (read: another breath), rejoice and be present in it. Celebrate your successes and analyze your failures. Just be present and give the moment its due.
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