Confusion

"Yes! A beer festival!", I shouted internally as I read the email from Andrea. After a quick reply, plans were made to attend Draft on Taft - an all-the-Budweiser-you-can-drink-for-$25 event that would take place just two blocks from my new place the following weekend.

After about 4 hours of heavy chugging, I allegedly approached one of the only other black folks there. Anyone who knows me knows that my memory is the first thing that goes when I'm drinking. I'm sure I was able to strike up a great, well probably just good, conversation with this dude. Good enough that he invited me to his place; good enough that I woke up the next morning on the living room floor at his place.

My dress was still on the next morning, thank you very much.

I recollect walking to the car with him after the festival and bits and pieces of the conversation we had back at his place. But other than that, he came into my life amidst much confusion.

And left the same way.

Tivo-forward (badoomp, badoomp, badoomp) a week and a half later. He's gone just as quickly as he arrived. There's as much confusion surrounding me now as there was the night we met.

We didn't see each other again until exactly a week after the fest and only exchanged a few texts and calls. But then we decided to make up for lost time by going on a date that lasted for 30 hours! No lie, email me for details if you're that interested. Out of 10 stars, I'd give the date 9.3. It involved things that usually don't come 'til much later, like meeting his fam and a bunch of his friends. Those 30 hours were some of the best I've had in awhile and he couldn't have been better company if he tried.

Half a week later, I get the following text.

"Hey...what's up...so I have a lot going on right now. I enjoy talking and hanging out with you, but right now...I need to focus on a few things. I'm asking for time."

And that, my friends, is why I haven't dated in over 2 years! What the hell is that? The confusion I had about how we met comes no where near the confusion I have now. For the life of me, I honestly can not understand how a guy can (seem to?) be totally into you one day and then is "asking for time" the next.

The universe worked its magic and my Kismet randomly called shortly after I got the text. He was able to explain it from a man's point of view and I'm beginning to come out of the fog of bewilderment.

It'll take a day or two for the fog to completely lift. But when it does, the only confusion that better remain is about how to get back out there and do it all over again!

My New Necklace

After sushi with two of my teacher friends, we sauntered over to Barnes and Noble - it's currently Educator Appreciation Week there. The door we entered led into the stationary/journals/calendars section. But from over by the registers, we heard the highest, tiniest voice shriek "Hey - look at my new necklace!" Seconds later, a little girl with the brightest, blondest hair ever pranced into our section. As she fingered the gold pendant, she began to ramble about it coming with a book that her mom just bought. After we admired her necklace and told her that we wished one would come with our books too, we walked away with "Awwwwwwwww!" smiles plastered on our faces.

"Now she's present," one of my friends observed.

At dinner we got to talking about one of my most-liked parts of Eckhart Tolle's latest book - 'A New Earth'. He touches upon the importance of being present. At this present moment, I am (trying to be) committed to letting my thoughts flow. I'm (trying) not (to be) distracted by the background noise I call TV or the motorcyclers down on Monroe. Or are they up on Peachtree? I am (trying to be) aware of the way my fingers feel as they hit the keys. Keys that still stick; four whole months after I spilled hot tea on them! I spilled the tea while in Warner Robins for the introduction to my ESOL certification courses. Warner Robins is near Macon, where my Sigma crush lives. I hope he comes up this weekend for the picnic...

Oh, back to being present.

I already know that the present is a gift. But with Eckhart's assistance, I want to begin appreciating the present; instead of using it as simply a look-out ledge into the future.

Never has Amy spoke truer words. The little girl today was so present. Mere minutes before our entrance, she most likely convinced her mother to place the necklace on her even before they actually paid for the book it accompanied. At that moment, nothing in the world was more important than that necklace; and the book ran an extremely close second. I loved how she shared the good news of the necklace with us - total strangers. (But I've always been convinced that kids naturally gravitate towards teachers.)

I know, I know - kids love when they get anything new! But I think we can all learn a lesson from her. Whether you get a new piece of jewelry or a new lease on life (read: another breath), rejoice and be present in it. Celebrate your successes and analyze your failures. Just be present and give the moment its due.

Honest to Blog

Always tired. Big Brother. Condo owner. Dad's mad. Eckhart Tolle. Forwards suck. Georgia Rose. Hazing allegations. iPhone raffle. Juno's great. Kerrie's back. Lovin' Midtown. Mac Book. Night Crawlers. O Ambassadors. Phone's broken. Quiet nights. Really single. Sigma crush. Trader Joe's. Underwear shortage. Very hairy. Without Haillie. Xerox's inoperable. Yahoo mail. Zeta burnout.



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Belize vs. a Braves Game

I've been deprived when it comes to the materialistic perks of dating. I've been a contestant in this game for almost 12 years and I think a guy has only paid for dinner almost 12 times. I've received flowers only twice; especially nice gestures from especially uninteresting men. Two more guys thought of me at Christmas. One regifted a candle set. But the other gave me several books I had been eyeing at Barnes and Noble. I've been on two trips with guys I was dating; once to a Hawks game and another to a Braves game. Both were approximately 20 miles round trip from my house; hardly enough to make a difference in my Delta SkyMiles.

My buddy recently returned from a cruise to Mexico and more. I assumed he went with friends or family. Nope. He went with his recently acquired "lady friend". Ugh! I was with Braves game guy for 12 months before that trip. I'm baffled at how this girl went to Belize after less than 6!

Belize vs. a Braves Game! There's obviously no comparison!

I'm digging deep, but I honestly can't pinpoint why I'm not the one shopping for sunscreen. It's one of two things, or maybe even a combination of both.

First, I believe that the definition of an "independent woman" fits me like a glove. In fact, at the top of my extremely short list of 'Reasons I Need a Man' is "so someone can help with odd jobs around the house". (The battery in my smoke detector needs changed and I so don't feel like climbing up there to do it!) Perhaps the guys who come in, then go out of my life sense that I don't need them for much, especially a vacation, bouquet of flowers, or Christmas gift. I realize that men need to be needed; I vow to do a better job of letting them feel that way, whether or not it's actually true.

Have you ever dated a guy whose idea of a romantic dinner is warming up leftover Chinese food? That's the story of my life. But I'm confused. Do I just happen to attract these type of men? Or do they turn into this type of men once they meet me?

Whatever the case, I'm not giving up on the idea of a trip with my man that takes us outside of the Perimeter!

Two is Greater than Zero

3 = Months
$14.99 = Total cost
2 = Dates booked

Two is greater than zero, but I was definitely expecting more dates than that from my match.com experience.

My reason for trying "online dating" in the first place was pretty simple. Let's say you go "out"; if it's to a hip place, chances are you'll be surrounded by dozens of single men. But going from simply eyeing one to actually booking a date takes some work. So I figured subscribing to a dating site would make that particular part a little less cumbersome. You're still surrounded by dozens of single men, but at least you get to find out a lot more about them before deciding to put in the work to book a date.

This latest stint wasn't my first time searching for him online, but it'll probably be my last. Although meeting a guy this way is becoming increasingly common, I just can't see myself telling my grandkids the story of seeing their grandpa's profile for the first time!

Good luck to the online daters out there; I didn't find my match on match, but everyone's experience is different. In the meantime, I'm going back to doing it old school - eyeing a guy across the room, sauntering up next to him, grabbing his behind, and seeing what happens from there!

Potty Mouth

My brother and I were taking a casual stroll through our neighborhood. He was probably 12, that would make me around 9. "I dare you to cuss," he taunted. If I remember correctly, I refused. But maybe I did; that was a long time ago.

Fast forward 20 years. While I don't resemble a sailor, I do use 'bad' words on a regular basis. Mostly I use them in the car. My poor kid. I can just imagine her during driving lessons when she's 15 1/2, screaming "Watch out, dumb a**" when someone pulls in front of her. I can't tell you how many "I'm sorry, I shouldn't called that driver a mother f****r" I go through during each car ride.

I am trying to cuss less. Part for the sake of the kid, part for the sake of my vocabulary. I just think there's other things I can say. Such as, "Observe your surroundings more carefully, you tactless, imprudent imbecile!"

I usually don't mind when other adults cuss, even when they do so a lot. But if I'm being honest, I often think those adults could also come up with other things to say.

I recently began talking to a new guy. He's got a potty mouth. He cusses a lot, but he's never inappropriate. All I have to go by right now is our phone conversations. A few days in, I did begin to wonder if he had anything else to say. Then I noticed the most peculiar thing. This man was using 'big' words just as often, if not more, than 'bad' ones! Words like "delectable" and "accentuate" came spewing out of his mouth as easily as the unmentionables.

Now that's what I'm talking about! This man unknowingly just rewrote the 'Code of Cussing'. For each 'bad' word used, one must also use at least one 'big' word!

Hearken, bitches!

Down from the Crane

I need the local newscast like a pregnant woman needs folic acid.

After years of watching Atlanta news a minimum of 2x/day, I've come to realize that like history, the daily news repeats itself every now and then.

"Let his a** f****** jump!"

That's what I screamed at the TV last night when I learned that, yet again, some crazy guy had climbed to the top of a construction crane and threatened to jump. You should have seen the chaos surrounding the attempt to get this wacko down from the crane. APD had a chunk of Peachtree shut down and even inflated one of those gigantic water trampoline thingeys.

My creator cheated me in the area of compassion. But even if I did have my fair share, I can't imagine wasting any of it on this freak. I'm so sick of f****d up adults acting like they're actually f****d up more than anybody else. Wacko shouldn't have climbed up a Buckhead crane; instead, he should have climbed into the elevator of a Buckhead high rise and visited a therapist! Let's face it, every adult on the face of this planet is messed up in one way or another. But, as adults, we need to take steps daily to heal ourselves. Attention-seeking acts like this are just plain stupid. If you want to kill yourself, go ahead. But clogging up Peachtree was wrong on so many levels.

Find your version of folic acid - prayer, meditation, a nap, laughter, a long drive, therapy, etc. - and take it daily. And recognize a construction crane for its intended purpose - a piece of machinery used to build something bigger and better than what's there now.